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Prayers bounce—off walls, ceiling, lips—

pleadings, hollow in her ears,

for too long…

yet heavy the burdens weighing down,

on weary shoulders, fragile heart.

Unsure of the next move,

Will there be a next move?

Unsure even how to pray, why to pray.

On all sides, the land—dry, hardened, thirsting…

mirrors her parched soul.

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Had she taken a wrong turn somewhere?

Gotten distracted? Misunderstood His leading?

Few could be more faithful in calling, seeking, striving,

in leaning on, looking to,

The One

Who knows all, made all, sees all.

Then why do I feel so empty, alone?

Why does hopelessness hound my steps,

my every thought?

Her morning reading takes her to the songs of the shepherd,

the man most loyal to God’s heart…

As the deer pants for the water brooks, so pants my soul for You, O God.

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My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.

Yes, Lord God! It is You I want!

……………

When shall I come and appear before God?

 My tears have been my food day and night,

While they continually say to me,

Where is your God?

……………

Yes, where are You? I long to hear from You, but nothing comes.

……………

Why are you cast down, O my soul?

And why are you disquieted within me?

Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him

For the help of His countenance.

O my God, my soul is cast down within me…

……………

Tears flow as she remembers…

cast down, tossed aside, unwanted, in the way.

Her vision blurs, but still she reads.

I will remember You…

…………..

Forget what’s behind, she reminds herself,

reaching for tissue, drying the tears.

Deep… noise… billows… waves…

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She knows the feeling of being shaken, tossed by trials, fearing the worst, afraid to hope.

The Lord will command His loving kindness in the daytime,

And in the night His song shall be with me—

A prayer to the God of my life…

……………

Your loving kindness… Your song… my prayers…

Maybe there is a promise here…

summoning hope, she holds on…. weak as it is…

I will say to God my Rock,

Why have You forgotten me?

Why do I go mourning…

While they say to me all day long,

Where is your God?

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Yet, in her questions, and theirs, she falters…

Father, forgive me… but… Where are you? 

To be continued…

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