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I have asked… others have asked… What do I do now…?

When serving God with my whole heart for most of my entire lifetime, leaves me with failed fragments of all my efforts… empty handed, hollow answers, drained of hope… after years, decades, a lifetime of devotion to a God who doesn’t (appear to) keep His promises…?

Tell me, one friend asked, how do I deal with this feeling of abandonment? (Being jerked around, as someone else put it.) That somehow everything I did wasn’t quite good enough… that our communication got all twisted, when I thought He was leading me, and I thought I was obeying, but now things are worse than they were then. How could I have asked for help more desperately or more sincerely…? And how do I handle this sense of having been defrauded, reaping failure when I expected blessing…?

Bible translator, William Tyndale, was arrested, imprisoned, tried in court, and falsely convicted, then strangled and burnt at the stake… after one he thought was his friend betrayed him.

It is believed Isaiah the prophet was stuffed in a hollow log—his body sawn in half, by Manasseh, one of Judah’s most wicked kings… after Isaiah served God unwaveringly.

One missionary served on foreign soil for years, left all familiar, everyone precious—only to run out of money and food… then died of starvation, all alone. End of story.


What?!?! You’re kidding?! Where was God?!

If this is how He treats His friends, no wonder He has so few!

She prayed. You’ve prayed. We’ve all prayed.

And we’ve all been left standing there, puzzled look spreading across our face, wondering, What in the world just happened? I thought life would get better—not worse…!

Believe me, I’ve been there… at times, still am there. Begging for wisdom, seeking direction, fully comprehending I am nothing without Him. I move in the direction of His leading, going through doors opened, not pounding down doors closed, staying in the Word, sensing how lost I would be without His Words…

Remember, faith always moves forward.

So, forward it is. I move. I trudge. I plod. Stubbornly pushing my way ahead…

Yet, decades later, slumping to the ground in defeat, I look around, recognizing nothing. Lost? How can I be lost when I asked for directions… when I followed the map?!?



Realizing that where I am today is nowhere near where I expected to be, acknowledging the failures that fill my life instead of the string of successes, divine blessings I envisioned… trusting the direction I carefully sought and very much believed in, only to be surrounded by crumbled ruins…

Yes, you and I know what it’s like to feel let down by God… but we are not alone. Nor are we correct.


To be continued…