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…and other wise words silly sayings (middle-age maxims?) blurted out at the mall.

Amazing what women can learn about each other while shopping.

Especially as we get older.

Now, don’t take this the wrong way, she told me, but most of my friends are older.

I gave her the look.

I didn’t say OLD – I said old-ER.

I knew that.

And a lot of my friends are still babies.

And they’re raising their babies, while my nest is mostly empty.

I mean – they were born when I was in high school.

I could have been their babysitter if we lived in the same town.


But God gave me a surprise baby the year after I organized the big yard sale.

Where I sold the crib, the changing table, the doll collection.

After loading those items on and off the moving truck – how many times? – across the western United States for close to a decade.

And after giving up on ever having another kiddo.

Soo… while my friends are raising their teens for the first time,

I’m raising a teen for the last time.

And because their teens and my teen were friends, we moms became friends.

Wanna come to my house for a sleepover?

And I’m glad.

But back to shopping…

No, I’m not trying anything on, my other friend said. The last time I did that, we spent hours looking, because she and she didn’t like anything I liked… And I ended up going back and buying the dress I tried on first.

And I don’t wear anything without sleeves.

I still do. But is that a bad thing?

Like, these arms don’t look like they belong on this body,

I’m reminded every time I look in the mirror.

Where in the world did YOU come from?!?!

So, I avoid lifting them above my head.


And above my waist.

But there they are.


Nothing I can do about it.

And it’s not like they’re gonna be leaving any time soon.

But since my friends don’t wear sleeveless and I do, is our friendship at risk?

What if they’re embarrassed to be seen with me?

When I wave my arms, my arms wave back! she said.

We giggled.

But she wasn’t done.

Just say NO to sleeveless, I say!

More giggles.

It felt like we were the teens.

Only better.


Another friend has a theory.

He told his son, No, you can’t stay out past ten with your buddies. It’s simple division: one teen has half a brain. But put two teens together, and you get a quarter brain. And three or more teens have hardly any brain at all between them.

Simple math.

I like it.

But back to shopping…

I’m buying all black clothes for our vacation. You know, black makes you look slimmer.

But do black flip-flops make your feet look slimmer?

Her husband doesn’t think so.

Did you know, gummy bears solidify when added to frozen yogurt?

Broken teeth = No fun.

Are those health benefits listed only for the toppings pictured? But I got candy. Why don’t they list the nutrients in my toppings?


Hmm… I wonder how much of a brain is left when four or more crazy moms shop together?