The heart sinks with the news – a grown child sentenced to life in prison.
In realizing the outcome,
as the judge’s final word on the matter reaches her ears,
reverberates in her mind,
pushes against her heart…
a decision forever alters her family’s future,
the declaration of her loved one being taken,
the fruit of her womb…
stuffed in a cell block,
a life, too young and precious,
now potential wasted,
condemned to stagnate behind bars and cement walls and steel doors,
as years become decades in a desert far from home…
the consequences of foolish indiscretions, one after another.
As the impact of the verdict washed over,
settling deep to inner recesses she never knew existed,
the iron weight with heavy chains and rings clamped tight,
plunging farther, deeper,
lower than she’d ever been,
to a place without hope,
a black void,
where not even a tiny pinhole of light penetrated.
Welcome to a living hell.
Mind, eyes, ears, heart open, all senses fully aware.
And she’s done.
Done resisting, pushing, caring, feeling…
And done believing.
All emotion sucked out,
depleting every cell,
every miniscule fiber of any speck of moisture,
bereft of emotion, caring, the desire to go on.
And the plug is pulled.
Her will to live, flat-lined.
Days and months afterward she moves without knowing,
a lifeless form wandering from one place to the other,
on a whim,
surrendering and flaunting the pursuit of carnal pleasures.
Walls go up around her heart,
but inside, grief turns bitter.
And anger smolders.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Another woman I know,
found herself in an empty marriage.
Spent years praying, nudging, begging, remaining faithful,
hoping her husband would change,
to start living the way he expected others to live,
to practice the things he advised younger husbands and fathers to do.
To love his wife and family the way Jesus loves.
To speak up for Truth and stand up for Right.
To get involved with those closest to him,
and lead by example,
with the Word as his Northern star,
before the years passed too soon,
and time to lead was lost…
and those who needed him most found someone else to follow.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
What to do with the impulses of anger and hatred and despair that rise within us?
When quiet, average people become monsters…
when nothing turns out, and universal thunderings
and demonic forces push against us,
with seismic tremors convulsing bodies and minds and souls,
disrupting all we’ve worked for
and threatening all we value…
When quiet desperation refuses to continue raging silent?
Pushing some of us,
and pushing me to the brink of Snapped…
Will it surprise you to know, this believer of Jesus Christ,
this servant of the Most High God and wife of the Preacher,
possesses a wicked heart that lurks inside my inner being?
While part of me wants desperately to do good,
to spread kindness and nurture beauty
and please my Maker…
there is this other part of me
that rises up in rebellion,
lifting its ugly head to make demands,
usurping my will above another.
and sometimes contemplates quitting,
to bask in earthly thrills and spend the remainder of my life living solely for my pleasure…
That in my heart,
this most deceitful heart of hearts
I have hated and murdered,
and cheated and stolen and lied and connived,
and gossiped and pouted,
woven invisible and silent words to annihilate,
and wounded spirits and broken hearts,
and wished to simply walk away…
That all the imaginable wickedness of the deepest darkness
has revealed itself within my innermost desires…
Am I the only one surprised?
To be continued…